Thursday, December 20, 2012

change.


It has been one whole year since finding out about something that changed my life and my family forever. I can't believe it's been a year. What a long, rough year. But it was full of so many blessings. When I found out about my dad, I thought my life was over. I couldn't even believe what was happening. For the first four months, I was in a state of depression that I never thought I would get out of. My poor roommates had to deal with my dead self and I'll be forever grateful for them because they did. I felt like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. I felt responsible for my family. After about four months, I started to feel happy again about little things and I started seeing some of the blessings in my life. Once summer hit, I thought I was back to my old self because I had such a blast this past summer. That, in and of itself, was a MAJOR blessing. It made me realize that I do have friends that care about me and that there are things in life that are fun! Summer was like an escape for me. I didn't really feel like I was living my life. It was like a dream. Once school started, I was back to stressing about little things and worrying once more. I then started seeing how I had been affected by this whole thing in other ways than the obvious ones. I had lost complete trust in any males. I had lost all of my self confidence. I struggled with church. I had a LOT of hatred inside of me. Among other things. Man. One year... I've learned a lot about myself and my family and others. I know that I have a long way to go before I'm myself again. But I'm getting there :) I'm grateful for the friends in my life. I'm very grateful for the relationship with my mom that has grown more than she'll ever know. 






I don't really enjoy writing serious blog posts ha felt like I should do it though! Phew. It's over.